I always wondered when my life would start. Many people have nostalgia about being a kid, but I don’t. I don’t have memories of long summer days swimming, or going to the park, or going camping with my family. When I was a kid, there was nothing I wanted more than to be an adult, and here I am.
I turn 26 today, and I finally feel as though my life has started over the past year. I think in some ways, not having as much nostalgia about childhood has made me more content because I feel very much like my life can only keep going up and up from here. I’m slowly carving out my space, my joy, my passions with intention and with determination.
I’ve spent a large part of this year discerning where I want to be (not in Massachusetts anymore) and what I want to do (help people…but beyond that it’s unclear). But you know what? That was more than I had last year.
In my 25th year, I took charge of my health in more ways than one – I started going to doctor’s appointments consistently and by myself. I got an IUD after doing the research on my own. I started going to therapy and coming to terms with my trauma and my own narrative as the child of an alcoholic.
I applied to job after job starting in the fall, and got a few interviews but no offers. I became increasingly discouraged and started thinking that if administrative work isn’t what I want to do, then I’d better take steps to move in a direction that feels more true to me – so I did.
I decided to move to Seattle and will be relocating in September (I’m so excited holy moly). I think this opportunity will give me a lot of time for discernment and being surrounded in a holy and loving and supportive environment. I’m excited to see my placement and how I can best use my gifts and talents to serve.
I started going to swing dancing more consistently (even though going by myself is still hard and kinda scary!) and it’s brought so much joy into my life I’m not even sure what to do with it.
I’m finally (like within the past couple of weeks finally) having some huge mental shifts about how to be gentle with myself, and love myself, and finally, finally realizing what I deserve. I’m working on making sure that these changes come from the inside, so that if something external changes, I don’t lose the progress I’ve made in all of my hard inner work.
I can’t wait to see what this year holds.